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Tuesday, November 25, 2014

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED, AND WHY WE SHOULD ALL BE UPSET... (but... so do you...)



           Isn't it funny how millions of us who weren't there when the kid was shot in Ferguson know (without a doubt) exactly what happened, what was in the hearts of both men involved, and how justice has or hasn't been served by the grand jury's decision?

           It's as if we're programmed to take one side or the other, and we choose our cable news network updates accordingly (just to make sure the song played is the one we want to hear). 

           News flash: it's possible there are no innocents in this tragedy, and it's also possible we're adding bricks to the wall of racial divisiveness whenever we claim to know exactly what happened.

           Happy Thanksgiving, America.


IF IT BLEEDS, IT LEADS ("... get the widow on the set, we need dirty laundry...")





          At some point we have to ask ourselves how much our insatiable desire for 'round the clock coverage of the most violent or sensational scenes are contributing to the problem. 

         Cable networks are breathlessly going from camera to camera to bring us the most inflammatory pictures possible, and opportunists are using this situation for their own agendas. To a certain degree, the coverage is attracting the news, to the detriment of the communities involved and the dialogue necessary to ensure a peaceful resolution of the crisis.

         The revolution will be televised, and we'll make popcorn for the show. 

Monday, November 24, 2014

"ASS HUNTER" GAME APP PULLED FROM GOOGLE AFTER OUTCRY (game encouraged hunters to kill gays before being captured for gay sex...)


         (heavy sigh...)

         Apparently, there's an app for a game available on the internet called "Ass Hunter", and the object of the game is for players (represented by a hunter with a shotgun) to find and kill naked men before they can capture the hunter for gay sex.

          Public outcry forced Google Apps to pull the game.

          Here's what this article had to say about Ass Hunter:

In the description of the app, its uploaders AppDay described Ass Hunter as a “Legendary game, where you are hunter and your mission is to kill gays as much as you can”.

“Remember! When they catch you they will do with you whatever they want,” the game’s Google Play Store entry read, followed by a winking face.


Before it was deleted, the game was last updated yesterday and carried a content rating of ‘Everyone’.

           The game was first uploaded on November 5. “Popular game hunting on gays is now on android!” the description read. “Play and do not be gay!”

             Seriously?  This isn't a parody website, hoping to catch bloggers unaware of the satire?

             Really.

             

Sunday, November 23, 2014

DEALING WITH A CAT THAT'S NOT ALLOWED TO PLAY ("Stop looking at me like that... the vet said NO!")

"You did this to me..."                     

            We knew when we brought "Casper" home from our friends' house that we would have to get him neutered.  Tom cats roam our neighborhood, and trying to keep one as an indoor house cat when all the other guys are out screwing around might be difficult.  Last Thursday morning I took him to the vet's office, dropped him off for his surgery, and did my best to ignore the feelings of guilt I had to deal with whenever I thought about him.  

           "He'll be fine!" the vet said.  So did my lovely (and dangerous) wife. Everyone who's owned a cat offered happy advice, telling us we had done the right thing.  But still... They call it "neutering," because "castration" makes us all uneasy.  Or at least it makes most MEN uneasy.

            Anyway, I picked him up Friday morning, and other than being a little more sedate than normal, he seemed completely fine.  Sat by the window near the closest bird feeder most of the day, and slept more than he usually sleeps.  But other than a few narrow glares when he seemed to be thinking, "YOU did this to me... and you have to sleep sometime..."  he looked happy to be home.

            Along with the cat, I brought home two pages of post-operative instructions, but I can sum it up with one line:  Keep him calm.

            Basically, if the cat loves doing it, it's not allowed for about a week to ten days.  No running, no jumping, no pouncing, no smiling... nothing fun.  Just lie there and think about the good ol' days when there were testicles back there where it hurts.  

            I've tried to explain the new rules to the cat, but something is apparently getting lost in translation.  Last night he did his best to get frisky, batting at every passing toe, carrying his toys around, making that whiny half-growl noise he makes whenever he's ready to rumble.

            But we can't play.  Says so right here.  See for yourself.  (I've showed him the papers more than once...)

            I walked through the living room with the Sunday editorial page a few minutes ago and swear I could hear the feline version of Neil Diamond and Barbara Streisand singing, "You Don't Play with My Mouse Anymore"...

             Kitty guilt trips.  Just what I need.

Saturday, November 22, 2014

TENNESSEE'S INTREPID REPRESENTATIVE CO-SPONSORS "NO SOCIAL SECURITY FOR NAZIS ACT" (because "Springtime for Hitler" was taken...)



          I'm rarely surprised by what my elected representatives in Congress are up to these days, because to be surprised would require something akin to reasonable expectations of sanity.  And no one even pretends to expect Congress to behave rationally anymore.  It would be like opening the newspaper to find that some young, beautiful woman had exchanged marriage vows with convicted mass murderer Charles Manson.  You don't expect to read shit like that when you're still working on your first cup of coffee.

         So I have to admit, I did a bit of a double-take this morning as I perused the pages of The Tennessean (motto: "Now with more mattress ads than ever!") and read the following headline:

         Black sponsors bill to end Social Security for Nazis


         One of our recently reelected members of the House of Reprehensibles is Diane Black, a frequent passenger on the Pander Express, best known for goosestepping along to whatever scandal du jour is being actively promoted by the talking heads on Faux News.  She's not quite as famous as our other female Representative, Marsha Blackburn... you know, the one who debates scientists about the global warming hoax and happily jabbers away in front of the cameras at the drop of a cue card.  Compared to Rep. Blackburn, Ms. Black is a shrinking violet, the wallflower at the back of the class who never raises her hand.  But when she does, it's epic.

           No Social Security benefits for Nazis.  That's the legislation Rep. Black wants her name on going into this lame duck session of Congress.  Because there's so much of that happening, of course.  As it turns out, there have actually been more recorded instances of former Nazis drawing Social Security benefits than there have been verified incidents of voter fraud in America.  And you know how serious Republicans are at ending voter fraud in America.  Why, they're willing to make sure millions of Americans don't even bother trying to vote, just to make certain a cheater doesn't cast a ballot.

            And about the only thing that creeps out Republicans more than fraudulent voting is someone getting a dollar of undeserved money from the government.  They'll go to extremes to cut off a person's benefits for just about any reason... even going so far as to require them to urinate into a little cup first.  One of our state Senators here in Tennessee even tried to link a family's welfare benefits to student academic performance.  Because nothing makes a kid buckle down and succeed at Algebra like taking tests on an empty stomach, or coming home to an angry, hungry family after school.

            So we're on top of the important shit in Washington, thanks to Rep. Black.  No more Springtime for Hitler, by god.